Montana
by Allegra Connor
Summary: Top Secret


Montana  
  
By Allegra  
  
"I'm moving to Montana soon," he exclaimed as he sharply turned and plunged his enormous glowing scythe into the unexpectant taurus. "I'm gonna be a dental floss tycoon!"  
  
"NANI???? What the hell did you just say???" was the absolutely mesmorized response. "Duo, --"  
  
"AHEM!!"  
  
"Ugh ... geez ... Shinigami, how are we supposed to fight OZ with one less gundam?"  
  
"Don't worry about it, Hilde," Duo yelled as he mechanically destroyed another unsuspecting pilot. "You can come with me! It's very peaceful there, and don't think I didn't notice that nasty overbite of yours."  
  
"I'm telling you, Miss Relena, he's really of his rocker this time," pleaded the girl to no avail. Nobody took it seriously.  
  
"Hilde, Duo goes through phases all the time; remember when he started pocking everyone with sticks for two weeks?"  
  
"Yeah ... ugh .. unfortunately, and still have the scars to prove it, but the only reason he stopped that was all the punches in the face he was getting and then the stink bomb released in Deathscythe was the last straw."  
  
"Awww, don't worry about it..." yawned Relena, grumpy that her quest to locate Heero had been interrupted. "NOIN!!!" she shrieked, followed by the immediate appearance of a figure in the distant corner of the luxurious room, "Any luck on his cell??" The quivering outline of a head shook convulsively and promptly disappeared.  
  
Hilde took a few cautious steps back, nervously whispered, "....w-well, ..the gundams are in the middle of a battle ... right ... now ...", and hurriedly dashed out of Relena's presence like a bat out of hell.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Relena's shrill voice protruded forth after her, "that's no excuse for him to not call me!! He's not allowed to have fun ..." the pitch rose, "WITHOUT ME!!"  
  
"B-But .... the injustice!! ... think of the tremendous INJUSTICE!!!" she pleaded, but the impatient chinaman slammed the door in the helpless dark-haired girl's face.  
  
As Hilde walked away, she suddenly had a thought: she knocked anew... "Hey, shouldn't you be at the big battle with OZ??"  
  
Chang Wu Fei grinned through shattered, yellowed teeth. Hilde involuntarily winced. "Duo is taking me to Montana!!" he proclaimed, "Join our MOVEMENT! ... now, GO AWAY!" Hilde once again found herself face to face with cold, heartless hardwood.  
  
"What on earth do I do NOW??" she asked it, then smacked herself on the head in a ditsy sort of fashion, "Oh right! it's hardwood!", shot quick glances left and right and slowly walked away, hoping no one had witnessed the pitiful display.   
  
Her friends having failed her, it became time for Hilde to take matters into her own hands....  
  
The Lords of Plague fortress was heavily guarded by day, so Hilde decided it would be wiser to approach by night. She dressed herself up in a skin-tight black leather teddy, then remembering she wasn't on THAT kind of mission, changed into a more appropriate and modest outfit. She then excitedly applied black paint to her face and mounted herself in those cute black leather boots she had eyed in the 'Gundanium Footware Accessories' magazine last week. Hilde crawled through ditches, climbed over obstacles, finally opened the front door of the immense building, and, suddenly remembering the secrecy and intrigue of her mission, exclaimed, "Oh right! the secret passage way! see you in a bit, Doctor J!" and stealthily retraced her steps, under the confused stare of the five scientists.  
  
"I always thought there was something abnormal about that chick --" Doctor J was cut off when a heavy object emitting high frequency tones landed on his head. "HILDE!!! What on earth are you doing????"  
  
"SILENCE, Doctor! I must retrict you with this rope and tape and --" Hilde was removed from the dazed scientist by Master O's swift and painful Karate chop!! "What do you think you're doing??" muttered Hilde through her now shattered teeth, "Can't you see I was in the middle of something?"  
  
"What am I doing? I could ask you the same question, little girl!"  
  
"I'm trying to kidnap Doctor J to make him pretend Duo has gum disease so that he stops wanting to be a dental floss tycoon in Montana!!"  
  
"A dental floss tycoon!?! well, haven't you heard, girl? OZ's new base of operations is in Montana! That's where all the gundams are headed!"  
  
"OZ ... Base of Operations ..... DUO!!!"  
  
~*The End*~ 


End file.
